


time is everything we have (and everything we don't)

by meetmeinthecosmos



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dancer Natasha Romanov, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt Steve Rogers, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Natasha Romanov's Arrow Necklace, Not Canon Compliant, Past Character Death, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers is sad, Steve needs a break, The Author Regrets Nothing, but the author rlly misses natasha, it should have been clint, nothing lasts forever tho, peanut butter sandwiches, steve rogers misses natasha romanov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21624691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meetmeinthecosmos/pseuds/meetmeinthecosmos
Summary: Unfolding her letter was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. Every crease seemed to bring back countless memories of her, always by his side through it all.She had never left.Until she did.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 7
Kudos: 83





	time is everything we have (and everything we don't)

**Author's Note:**

> so this is kinda my first ever fanfic that's semi-decent, and I'm really hoping no one hates it😂  
> feel free to check out my other fics on my profile:)))

The envelope crinkled in his hands as he turned it over and over.

 _Steve_.

His name was written delicately in her precise hand. A cruel taunt it was. If he opened it, he wouldn't be able to keep himself together. If he didn't, he'd be ignoring Natasha's obvious wish of him.

So he opened it.

A thin sheet of paper, folded neatly, was tucked in the depths of the white stationery carrier. He pried it out, gently, carefully, as if he were afraid all her final words would tumble off the page and to the floor, crumbling to pieces. Unfolding her letter was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. Every crease seemed to bring back countless memories of her, always by his side through it all.

She had never left.

Until she did.

Fighting back tears, he began to read, her soft voice streaming through his head one last time.

04-23-23

_Steve, I thought I should write this just in case I don't make it, and if I should die, it's definitely going to be while fixing this mess Thanos made. So, if you're reading this, I'm gone. Don't worry; I'm sure I knew what I was doing, right? Here's hoping it was a noble death. You don't need to lose sleep over me, Steve. It's not your fault._

_It was never your fault._

_You never hurt me. Funny. I always used to say that love was for children. And here I am head-over-heels in love with you. Thank you for always being by my side through literally everything; it's been pretty rough. Just know it was an absolute honor to stand with you, Steve. Even if something does happen to me, there is no doubt in my mind you'll keep fighting. Not only for me, but for yourself. The strongest people find a way, and I have faith you'll do the same. I remember the first day I saw you. The helicarrier. You called me ma'am. I was smitten with you then and there. I know I didn't always show it, but I loved you for all those years._

_Our rogue days were, quite honestly, the most adrenaline-filled yet happiest of my entire life. All because of you. Being by your side made me realize just how much I wanted to devote my whole existence to you, and I know you felt the same._

_My saving grace. My rock. My purpose._

_You._

_Affection. Love._

_Things I had never known until you came into my life._

_I have no idea why I'm saying this; you're already aware of my feelings. But you don't know just how grateful I was that you didn't fade away along with half the universe. We have to fix this. I'm not moving on until we do. It's up to us, the few who remain. I'm sure we will. No matter the price._

_Let me know how we managed when you get to the other side, alright?_

_And Steve, it's okay._

_I love you, Cap._

_Forever and always._

_Yours, Natasha♡_

_P.S: I found the ring. You do realize sock drawers aren't the best places to hide things from me, right? Personal space doesn't really apply to us anymore. It's gorgeous, Steve. By the way, I would_ definitely _say yes. If it doesn't happen before you read this, just know I'll still be waiting, okay??_

Steve smiled to himself, glancing around the empty room, remembering her fiery hair and emerald eyes; petite frame and strong build. He also remembered finding the letter, and not being able to bring himself to open it until now. So he gave it to Pepper, knowing she'd keep it safe until then.

Before the compound was destroyed, he put a specific few of her fragile belongings aside; things to remember her by. (Pepper held onto those, too.)

Her satin pointe shoes, in pristine condition.

She used those often after the Snap. He watched her once; how she floated gracefully through every leap and spun effortlessly through every pirouette.

She was beautiful.

Her toes never bruised or blistered; bled or broke. She was just that amazing. Whenever she would suddenly disappear, Steve knew exactly where to find her, stretching at the barre and delicately lacing up the pink pointe shoes.

He remembered the numerous times she'd slept without removing the shoes. He always smiled when he saw her, asleep on the couch, with her slender feet still resting in the silky footwear. He'd gently unlace them, set them on the side table, and carry her to bed. He would then lay there beside her for the rest of the day, all because of her pointe shoes.

Her precious silver necklace, a gleaming arrow.

He would give it to Clint at Tony's funeral. The archer had given her that pendant, so it was only right that he should keep it. When he was missing, she would cling to Steve, the necklace draped across her collarbones, burying her head in the crook of his shoulder while he whispered reassurances to her; how they would find Clint and bring him back to the team no matter what.

And she believed him, never giving up hope.

That necklace always pointed her in the right direction; brought her back to reality and helped her keep fighting. Without it, there would have been no relentless determination, and no being strong or brave.

But she was, all because of the necklace.

The last thing he had decided to take was the newly opened container of peanut butter.

Because she loved those sandwiches.

And she would eat them while watching sci-fi movies, her jade eyes sparkling, curled into him. He would often wake up in the middle of the night to find the space beside him empty. Every time it happened, he would go into the kitchen and see her sitting at the table. She had a sandwich in one hand and was scrolling through security files with the other. He would lean against the bookshelf until she noticed him, and then he'd go and make himself one too. Eventually, he'd be sitting in the chair next to her at 2:30 in the morning, eating his sandwich as he watched her concentration and how her fingers carefully scrolled through a multitude of profiles and footage.

He remembered the time he had to wipe a tiny bit of peanut butter from her cheek while doing laundry late one night. He hadn't smiled much after the Snap, but he did then.

And how she laughed.

Ringing through the room. It was the purest thing he had ever heard.

All because of peanut butter.

Steve pulled the ring box out of his pocket. He had kept it with him throughout the entire battle, the velvety box completely unscathed. He wished he could've given it to her, asked her, and watched her gorgeous eyes light up and her face break out into that beautiful smile she always wore when she was with him...

God, he missed her.

She was his everything. And he would make sure she wasn't forgotten.

Feeling the cool metal of the ring in his calloused hands was reassuring. He would see her again. If not now, then someday. He'd tell her they won because of her. He'd call her ma'am and spin her around the room, eyes warm and filled with love for each other as they watched the sun paint the sky a brilliant ombre of colours in the earthly beyond. (While eating peanut butter sandwiches.)

 _But most importantly,_ he thought, the evening sun glinting off the sparkling diamond, _I'm going to ask her._

**Author's Note:**

> i've shipped them for so long, and was really hoping that they would get the happy endings they've always deserved, together or not. needless to say, endgame didn't deliver on that front :"(


End file.
